Diary of a kids.now coach-mentor
In this space, State Farm - Port Colborne, Ontario Agent Mark Guilbeault, and second-time kids.now volunteer coach-mentor, will share his unique and rewarding mentoring experiences, in a weekly blog throughout the 12-week fall/winter 2009/2010 program.
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Mark Guilbeault’s kids.now Coach’s Log 12
February 18, 2010
Well, that's it.
We had our final session yesterday, which was really a party, to celebrate our successes and to say farewell to our new friends.
Though, farewell is not really accurate, since most of these kids will still see plenty of each other in the coming months. I guess "farewell"in this context really only applies to me, as I likely won't see them much after today. Pity.
Our little group managed to do the splits to the left, albeit not to the right, but hey - Rome wasn't built in a day. We went 75 - 80 per cent from the field, we scored 86 per cent on our science fair project, and we got Chapter 2 completed in the novel we're writing, among other great goals achieved (ambitious kids, no?). I'm very proud of each and every one of them!
To celebrate, we "snacked" on pizza, brownies, corn twists and ice-cream. I handed out the Certificates of Completion, and was pleased to hear that many of them would occupy places of honour: on dressers; or hanging on walls. That made me even happier because I had each of the certificates framed.
One of the last exercises we did was to take turns saying something positive we learned about the person to our right. It was very heartwarming to see the bonds that have been forged between these kids. I hope that they will maintain these new friendships outside of the kids.now program.
After the exercise, the kids took it upon themselves to express gratitude to each other for the yummy food, and to state how important kids.now has been to each of them. Seriously, you should have been there. I must admit I got a little choked up.
State Farm has been a kids.now Champion Sponsor since 2008. In addition to making a significant financial contribution, the organization "donates" employees and agents as volunteer coach-mentors who deliver the kids.now program to kids each season. For more information on State Farm, please visit http://www.statefarm.ca
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Mark Guilbeault’s kids.now Coach’s Log 11
February 11, 2010
"I am one... I am two... I am three..." Those were the words we kept in our minds, in time with our breathing, as we meditated.
The weed-whacker this week was to learn ways to deal with stress - both short-term and long-term. It was a good week for these exercises, because the gang was a little rambunctious to say the least! So, we meditated...
Once we stopped meditating, I could sense the ominous presence of my arch-enemy, CHAOS, lurking in the corner of the room. I have come to detest Chaos. He is my rival, my nemesis, and the one thing I fear above all others during my kids.now sessions.
There is no reasoning with Chaos. You don't invite Chaos to the party, because he yells and screams and eats all the good snacks.
To combat him, we practised some relaxation-controlled breathing. That worked to settle the room nicely. But Chaos was not far away. It usually starts with a snicker, then builds, and before you know it, Chaos shows his ugly face again.
Before we could move on to long-term strategies for coping with stress, we practised a few more short-term strategies. We did an imagery exercise, imagining a walk in the woods, then we did a visualization exercise, and another relaxation exercise that was a muscle tension activity. And each time we finished an activity...Chaos came back!
This week, I also had the dubious honour (read: nearly insurmountable challenge) of selecting a kid to nominate for the Sharp Student Award. The award is given following each 12-week kids.now program to 20 participants across Canada who show a commitment to reaching their goals, and to respecting those around them. What makes the selection process a challenge, is that I have 10 kids in my group who are all phenomenal. As I looked around the room at their faces, I could see magic in each of them.
As the session wore on, so did my battle with Chaos. We shifted focus, and started to talk about progress on our personal goals. As each kid presented a status update to the group, Chaos would work tirelessly to distract the others and disrupt the room. I was quickly running out of weapons to fight him.
The clock mercifully struck 4:55, and it was over. Another epic battle waged between the forces of good and evil, between Coach and Chaos. I'm not really sure who won this time, but it felt like a draw.
Next week is our final week. It's our session to celebrate each other's successes. I'll be bringing pizza, and I'm sure Chaos will make an appearance... and eat all the Doritos.
_____________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault’s kids.now Coach’s Log 10
February 4, 2010
I was short three kids this week.
There have been a few weeks during this program where fewer kids would have been more, if you know what I mean, but not this week. After last week's session, I was really looking forward to seeing all of them, and I was disappointed we were short.
Our weed-whacker this week was stress. As a State Farm agent, I know all about stress. We discussed some of the medical complications that can be related to stress: high blood pressure; stomach ulcers; migraines; the list goes on. We also talked about suicide, and how you can't always tell if someone is hurting just by looking at him/ her.
One of the exercises we did to identify causes of stress, was to compare the kinds of things that might stress out kids in a little town like Port Colborne, Ontario, against those that might produce stress for kids in the nearby big city.
You'd think topics such as random violence and seedy characters walking the streets would shock small-town kids, but they don't. It's because my kids experience these things too (along with the pressures of getting good grades, arguing with parents, impressing friends, etc.). With the exception of drive-by shootings, Port Colborne kids experience the same stress factors as Toronto kids. Seems a little unfair to me.
I grew up in a small town myself, and we would justify the extreme boredom we felt with the fact that we weren't likely to get kidnapped. These kids get all the big city fears without the malls, movie theatres or subway lines to make it worthwhile...
Next week we get to work on ways to manage stress, so we don't end up as hyper-tense, ulcer-ridden, extreme Type A personalities... I can't wait! I hope to learn a bunch.
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Mark Guilbeault’s kids.now Coach’s Log 9
January 27, 2010
We’re all starting to come to terms with the fact that this kids.now program will soon be coming to an end. We only have 3 weeks left!
This week we worked a little more on conflict resolution. We talked about the “Triangle of Escalation,” where Person A wrongs Person B, who then tells Person C.
Almost every kid in the room could cite a real-life example of this in their own lives. Discussing this helped us to discover solutions to this issue much easier. See, if Person B would respectfully tell Person A that a wrong was committed, the whole silly conflict could be avoided. Or, if Person C could have encouraged Person B to go back and talk to Person A, everything would have worked itself out.As I sat with the kids, working through solutions to conflict, I thought sometimes adults can’t even see the clear way to do this!
Another theme that emerged concerning conflict escalation, was that some kids felt they should apologize; even if they were the person that was wronged. “It’s all about keeping the peace” they said.
My heart broke thinking these kids, these wondrous, amazing kids, would give up their empowerment just “to keep the peace.” So, we talked about it.
“If you are an awesome person, then how can it be wrong to respectfully inform your friend that they have hurt your feelings?” I asked.
There was a heated conversation about what one of my kids should do about her boyfriend, who constantly allows her to apologize when he is in the wrong. “Dump him!” “Kick him to the curb!” “Break-up with him!” And my very favorite: “Text-dump him!” When asked what my opinion was, I replied that she should remember who she is and how awesome she is. I encouraged her to listen to her heart and she could find the answer there.
I always know when it’s a good session because I feel like I have helped a kid or two to “get it” a little better. Just another day at the office…
_____________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 8
January 21, 2010
In order to prevent anarchy, we humans have rules.
In the kids.now program, we have The Top 5. They are the cardinal rules. Rules that encourage mutual respect and rules that maintain each other's dignity and privacy. As the coach, it is imperative that I follow The Top 5, including the most important one: "What's said in the room STAYS in the room."
This is a pretty neat rule. The kids get it, and more specifically, they get the spirit of the rule. They know that if any of them are in any kind of danger, I will break that rule to protect them. On the other hand, they know their secrets are safe. That said, I won't go into any details about the conversations we have here, because frankly it's none of your business. But I will tell you a story...
Our "weedwhacker" this week was to learn some conflict resolution techniques, so we talked about the Six Steps of Conflict Resolution. Now, it wasn't all that long ago that I was a kid (just this morning if you ask my wife), but I forgot just how much conflict goes on in the lives of young people. Conflict with parents, with teachers, with siblings, with friends... we talked about them all.
The really cool part of our talk was when one of my kids opened up about something very sensitive to her. She started talking, and then stopped abruptly. She was afraid to open up too much, to become too vulnerable. Like waves crashing onto the shore, all of the other kids reminded her of the most important rule: what's said in the room, stays in the room. It was a safe place. It had to be safe for her, because it was safe for all the others. Don't worry kids, you won't be judged here. And the conversation continued to flow around the room, each kid telling the others about their experiences, their feelings, their reactions.
It was really a magical session. It's sessions like this one that will keep me coming back every time. These kids are growing as individuals, right before my eyes.
_____________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 7
January 14, 2010
I looked at my watch yesterday and saw that it was only 1:30 p.m. That meant that I had plenty of time to go over my kids.now coach's manual, thus ensuring that I would be completely ready for the session. I felt good. I was ahead of the curve; out in front of the play.
I quickly turned from windshield to bug, when I realized that getting caught up in all the fun and games of last week's session, I neglected to cover some pretty key points. Ugh! Now I had to work those key ideas in this week's session, without missing any more important stuff...
To open the session, I told the kids that we played too many games last week and that we would have to be more focused this week. That went over like a lead balloon. My kids like to play games. But I have to give them credit, they did a formidable job of staying on point and remaining fairly focused.
We talked further about communication, more specifically: non-verbal communication techniques (body language, etc), paraphrasing, and better listening. We then played a game called "Ready, Camera, Action!" In the game, each kid chooses an emotion and two non-verbal communication techniques. He or she then acts out the emotion and the group tries to guess what it is. This proved to be another generation gap thing. Even though the kids figured out all the emotions without much difficulty, each thespian display looked like an act of constipation to me (of course I never get the Oscars either, so maybe it is just me).
We also played another game to demonstrate effective verbal communication. We paired up and had one partner in each group secretly draw a simple picture. The other person in the pair would then try to reproduce the picture based solely on the instructions of the one who drew it. These kids are really magical at times. As I went around the room surveying the pictures I was surprised. I must admit that I had my doubts as to whether or not the pictures would be accurately re-drawn. Well, in each case the pictures were almost like photocopies of the originals! I took part in the game as well since we were short-handed and was truly amazed not only in the listening skills of my partner, but how well my drawing turned out when it was my turn.
All in all it was another very good session. We got back on track, we didn't miss a beat, and we still had lots of fun!
_____________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 6
January 7, 2010
I took a week's vacation over the holidays to rest and recharge the old batteries. I needed the break. My kids got two weeks to recharge theirs...and it showed. The little angels certainly seemed to have plenty of energy; energy that they shared...loudly. But I digress.
This week's weed-whacker (or WIIFM) was about communication. We learned the importance of effective listening; not just with our ears, but with our eyes as well.
"Ahem...Peaches, peaches, I love peaches. I eat peaches every day." The first three kids to repeat this phrase in EXACTLY the same manner as I did got three bonus points (it's much harder than you may think!). We also practised how important it is to match good listening with clear speaking by playing the telephone game.
If you ever need a good belly-laugh, play the telephone game with a group of 12-year olds. It's alarming what can happen to a message like: "My red car is very fast. I got two speeding tickets last month." By the time it went around the room, the message I got back was: "I have two tickets to see the Leafs play the Detroit Red Wings next month." We discovered that if you need to get an important message to someone, it's best to speak directly to that person so the message is received clearly. Otherwise, a party invitation could turn into a political argument.
We also continued to work on our goal setting. Our homework over the holidays (much revolt when it was assigned), was to think of some potential challenges or stumbling blocks that might come between us and our goals, then come with ideas to overcome them. As it turns out, the 15-centimetres of snow that fell during the break proved to be a pretty significant challenge for the person with the skateboarding goal (the little wheels don't turn worth a darn in the snow). No problem, apparently the basement was a good substitute for the driveway.
Next week we'll be working on our game plans for success. Should be exciting stuff!
______________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 5
December 17, 2009
Remember last week when the kids received their report cards? Remember how ramped up they were; how they lacked focus; that electrical "hum" emanating from them? Well, that was like a trip to Sunday school compared to this coaching session....
There are just two more days of school until the holiday break. The kids informed me of this...many times. They also let me know that they had consumed nothing but pizza, candy canes, and sugary drinks all day. Furthermore, I was warned by a teacher friend, that they had assemblies and games and movies all day, instead of yucky-old school work and lessons. All of which explains why the kids were as excited as they were to see me at 3:15. You see, as a treat, I brought pizza and pop to share for our snack! The session quickly degraded from Sunday school to something akin to an Ozzy Osbourne concert...
The plan was to talk about some of the various obstacles that might stand between us and achieving our goals. Things like our fears, skill set, societal pressures and regulations, and inadequate resources. It was difficult to get from one concept to the next, as the caffeine and sugar-fuelled 12-year old brain has a difficult time with focus and transition. That proved to be an obstacle in itself. Preventing me from achieving my goal of getting through the session unscathed...
We learned about "WILD" brainstorming techniques. The exercise we did to illustrate the benefits of effective brainstorming involved the kids trying to come up with as many solutions as possible to a hypothetical problem. The problem was trying to get a tangled balloon that was too high to reach out of a tree. The typical solutions include climbing the tree, cutting the tree down, etc. My kids came up with building a super mega-robot to get it down. The "D" in WILD stands for "Don't judge." so I didn't.
We worked on our personal goals a little further. Last week we picked a goal, and then refined it to make it STAMP (Specific, Time-limited, Attainable, Measurable, Personal commitment). This week, and over the break, we're going to think of as many potential obstacles as we can that may stand in the way of our achievements. Then hopefully, each of us will meet with our coaching partners to brainstorm solutions to overcome our obstacles. It's a fairly lofty goal, considering the attention level at 4:55.
The session was challenging - the most challenging yet. But as I drove home in glorious, pensive silence I relived the magical moments of the session: the twinkle in one of the participant's eyes when she realized that her challenges weren't that different from anyone else's; the quiet minutes while brainstorming the balloon solutions; how each kid wished me a Merry Christmas at the end of the session and surely meant it...Score another one for the coach.
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Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 4
December 10, 2009
After last week's chaos surrounding report cards, I made sure that I was much better prepared this week.
I spent quite a bit of time going over my notes before the session, to make sure I covered everything and so my kids wouldn't derail me. This week, I needed a good session...
Our WIIFM (or "weed-whacker" as the kids like to call it) this week was goal-setting - how to set a quality goal, that satisfies all the components of "STAMP." For a goal to be STAMP, it has to be Specific, Time-limited, Attainable, Measurable, and have Personal Commitment. We also talked about how to coach others effectively.
My kids (they are SO smart!) clued in right away that being a good coach is just like being a good friend. Every aspect of effective coaching (respect for one another, giving advice when asked, encouraging each other, etc...) can also apply to friendship.
The big task this week was to pair up and work with their coaching partner to develop STAMP goals. Many had some terrific goals! I heard things like: achieve certain impressive grades at the Science Fair; pull off a triple-ollie on a skateboard by the end of the kids.now program; and the dancer in the group wanted to be able to pull a rather challenging dance move. I didn't express my concern to her that I honestly didn't think the move she described could actually be pulled off by anyone...ever. However, I have learned over the years that kids are pretty magical creatures. If you don't tell them that something can't be done, they typically plough headlong into the challenge. So, I'm fairly certain that the Science Fair grades will be impressive, the dancing will be awesome, and the triple-ollie will be pulled off.
I have loads of confidence that everyone will attain their set goals. The friendships that have developed over the past four weeks have made me proud to know these kids, and they're going to be fantastic coaches for each other!
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Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 3
December 3, 2009
I have coached a number of soccer teams, and spoken in quite a few classrooms in my days as a State Farm agent, and I have always held one belief: if the worst you've suffered, after a few hours with a bunch of kids, is sticky shoes and mild hearing loss, then you've had a good day.
Yesterday was report card day at my school. It took a good 10 minutes to get the little angels settled down enough to get to the business of snacking and learning life-success skills. Each one of them, in seemingly louder succession, felt compelled to tell me about their marks. Most of them were quite impressive...but loud. For the whole session, it seemed chaos loomed nearby, waiting to step in and take the reins of control from me.
Every kids.now session has a "WIIFM." WIIFM is an acronym for "What's In It For Me?" and serves as our raison d'être. It is pronounced "whiff-him," and it was determined early on that WIIFM sounds an awful lot like "weed-whacker" (I can't speak to the intricacies of the 12 year-old mind). So, our Weed-Whacker for this week's session was Success.
We talked about what it means to be successful; we touched on some long-terms goals; and discussed some of the obstacles that people have faced in their rise to greatness. Two things struck me during this conversation. First, I was a little gobsmacked at how there seems to be just two types of kids where career aspirations are concerned. The first group is composed of the kids who know exactly what they want to be: "a marine biologist," "a forensic scientist," "a trial lawyer..." When I was a kid, we had fireman, policeman, hockey player. (Where do they get this stuff? Until CSI hit the air I didn't even know that Forensic Scientist was an actual profession!) The kids in the second group are the ones I worry about. They don't know what they want to be. When asked what they are into, or what subjects in school interest them, they respond with silence and that fearful look because seemingly everyone has it all figured out... everyone, except them.
The second thing that threw me was a generational divide. We talked about famous people and their personal obstacles. k.d. lang came up in discussion, and when I explained how she was a lesbian singer who broke onto the music scene during a time in history when homosexuality was still very much not accepted by the general society, they looked at me like I was an alien. "No really guys, her music was on the radio, and lots of people still resisted gay and lesbian celebrity." Their generation takes sexual orientation totally for granted. They don't judge. It has no bearing on their opinions of celebrities, or of everyday people around them. Their only strong opinion about k.d. lang is that her music is for "old people," like me, and that she's no Lupe Fiasco (whoever that is). As impressed as I am by their openness, the "old person" crack stung...
After the last kid got picked up, I walked in near silence to my car. I managed to keep chaos at bay for the most part, and the quiet was quite soothing. I drove home with my k.d. lang CD playing over the ringing in my ears, and my shoes stuck firmly to the floor of my car. Score one for the coach.
_____________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 2
November 26, 2009
What a difference a little preparation makes!
Before yesterday's session, I spent a few minutes going over the kids.now program material, and I was much more at ease. I also made it to the school on time, and that helps quite a bit too. The first thing we did was to move the tables out of the way, and sat in a circle on chairs so that we could all see each other's faces.
I had suspected last week that there were some connections being made between the kids, and I was right. My group is split between grades 7 and 8. Also, some of the kids are in the English program and some are in the French program. Last week, I could easily tell the kids from each group apart. Now they seem to be assimilating rather well.
We started into some of the heavier stuff this time. Self-esteem was the theme of the session, and we talked about some of the things that make us feel good about ourselves, and we compared the differences between how we see ourselves versus how others see us. Ironic how the prettiest girls feel that people can't see past their looks, and the star athlete wishes people could see how intelligent he is...
My heart broke hearing about some of the feelings these kids wrestle with every day. How can they not see in themselves what their friends see, and what I could see after only a few hours with them? Each one of these kids is exceptional in their own way, and I guess I feel a little better knowing that by the end of the twelve weeks, they will each see this in themselves a little more.
We shared a few laughs, and a few tears. I must say that I was really touched watching these kids reach out, and comfort each other. I am already proud to know these kids, and I can't wait to see how they deal with the next topics.
______________________________________________________________________________________Mark Guilbeault, kids.now Coach's Log 1
November 19, 2009
Yesterday was my first kids.now session with my new group of kids. My school champion (each school has a contact person for the coach to liaise with) had forgotten to tell me that the school day hours had changed. The final bell rang at 3:15, instead of 3:30. So, I immediately went from 8 minutes early to 7 minutes late.
I had had a long day already at that point, with an Agency Field Office meeting 40-minutes' drive from my office, so the prospect of a room full of impatient, hungry kids was daunting to say the least. Remember to breathe...
Once I crossed the threshold, I relaxed to see that my new kids were sitting around two round tables, in their seats, without any projectiles flying, or injuries bleeding, or fires burning. (They had obviously been sedated.) Their little eyes met mine, and apparently I hid my fear effectively. I took a quick roll call to get an idea of who was who, and passed around some snacks.
I got to meet "The Mouse," "The Beauty Queen," two "Cool Guys," three "Tech-Savvy Geeks," the "Giddy Sisters," and "The Dancer." I introduced myself, and just then realized that in my rushed day, I hadn't had time to take another look at the kids.now Coach Manual and I completely forgot how I wanted to begin the session. Remember to breathe...
All in all, the session went well. It's amazing how quickly it all comes back to you! By the end of the session, I learned each of the kids' names, and I managed to get a few nicknames in place. I learned that Kimberly had a dog that had to be put down last week, Marci likes to sing loudly while in the shower, Jimmy is NOT related to the hockey player of the same name, and Nick has an opinion about EVERYTHING. I also learned that the Dare Bear Paw cookies are loaded with yummy sweetness.
Next week, I think we're going to lose the tables and just sit in a circle on chairs. The two tables format had an "Us and Them" feel to it, and I saw some real connections happening among the group that I want to encourage. Next week we start some of the hard stuff - Self Esteem. Remember to breathe...
*NOTE: Children's names have been changed to respect their privacy.
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